“Ernie (The Fastest Milkman in the West)” is a novelty song written and performed by British comedian Benny Hill, released in 1971, which became a UK Christmas number one single. The humorous ballad tells the story of Ernie, a milkman who delivers dairy with unmatched speed, and his rivalry with Ted, the baker, for the affections of a widow named Sue. Their competition escalates into a duel fought with milk bottles and stale bread, ending with Ernie’s comic demise and ascent to heaven, where he continues delivering milk. Mixing slapstick storytelling with catchy melody, the song captured the public’s imagination, topping the charts and cementing Benny Hill’s place in pop culture as more than just a television comedian.
